Why-celand

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And again, for anyone asking the wholly legitimate "Why do you need to go all the way THERE?" question, which dovetails nicely with the "You don't want to further the cause here?" debate and the "Haven't you ever heard of Massachusetts?" argument. (Incidentally, for those asking, we have indeed heard of Massachusetts.)

And again I will  repeat my contention that people should get married wherever they want, and I fully support a same-sex couple's right to get married in a state where it is legal. But we don't live in one of those states. And with the political volatility surrounding this issue, I don't even believe that a state where it is legal right now will continue to be legal. Why should I? We used to live in California, home of marriage's legal limbo. I don't want that to happen to my marriage. I would rather give our hard-earned Ameribucks to a country that fully supports our right to marriage equality, and not muck around in a state where I can get married on one day and hear state-sponsored hate speech the next. So congratulations, Steve King of Iowa! You just cost the wedding industry in your state thousands of dollars. We're out of here, and we're taking our gay agenda with us. And I'm telling everyone else not to get married there either, which shouldn't be a problem because WE ALL KNOW EACH OTHER. Think about that while you revel in the real-world financial ramifications of the dumb-ass things you say.

See you in a few years at your gay sex scandal, Mr. King! We'll all try to pretend that we're surprised.

Bryndís-Gram

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FROM: Bryndis

TO: Dan

Good afternoon from a sunny day in Iceland:-)

I am honored to be asked to perform the wedding ceremony next August for Eric and Daniel. I will probably be attending a semenary on the 3rd of December but after 16.00 I am free. Looking forward meeting you!

Best wishes.
Bryndís

Anna-Gram!!!!

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When I started this blog, I had initially anticipated that I would post something every day. I thought that, with 365 days to go until a wedding on the other side of international waters, there would be no lack of things to talk about. But when you start planning a single day 365 days in advance, there are going to be times when you kick back, rearrange your closets, kill a spider, and otherwise just live your boring life for a minute. And honestly, we had spent the greater part of 2010 in a state of perma-move, so it was kind of nice to have a little break recently where I could leave work, go running, watch “Modern Family,” wonder how they wrote those scripts based on stories ripped directly from my life, and go to bed.

And then, sometimes, in order to sound smart around the Icelandic lady priest who is going to perform your wedding ceremony, you have to convert Fahrenheit to Celsius in a flash so that you don’t come across as culturally insensitive.

Welcome back to the strange mechanics of the gay Icelandic destination wedding from crazy town...

FROM: Anna

TO: Dan

Good afternoon, from a very cozy winter afternoon, here in Iceland.

How are you my grooms to be? Not long now until you will be in Iceland.

It is my honor to introduce you to your priest Bryndís.

Me and Bryndís spoke about your wedding earlier today, and I explained all about your plans and what your needs are regarding the wedding.

She is lovely person, and when you come over in December she has agreed to meet up with us.

All my best.
Anna

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FROM: Anna

TO: Dan

Dear Anna and Bryndis: 

I am so envious of your cozy Reykjavik weather. Here in New York, it was a balmy 24 degrees today. We are still waiting for winter to start!

Thank you so much for the introduction. I really look forward to all of us meeting when I am in Iceland. I arrive early in the morning on Friday 3 December, and I hope we might all meet that day.

Bryndis, thank you again for agreeing to perform our ceremony, and I can't wait to see you both!

Best
Dan

Special Guest Contributor

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I'm going to let Eric handle today's entry. Link is here. Reprinting below. He smart boy.

Your opinion is stupid

One of the most important lessons I have ever learned in my adult life is knowing when my opinion doesn't matter. Everyone is entitled to an opinion about anything in the world, but that doesn't mean it's important or useful to anyone else. A lot of the time, opinions are interesting and useful and entertaining, but sometimes it's a small but crucial decision to keep your mouth shut and remember that you're playing a supporting role in everyone's life except your own.

By the same token, it's also nice to realize when someone is being mean to you that their opinion doesn't really matter. Like the time I was walking down 28th Street and someone rolled down their car window just to scream at me, "GET A BETTER SHIRT!!" That actually happened, and the shirt I was wearing was brand new and didn't even have a design on it. This person must have been disappointed that I wasn't expressing myself enough. You know what? Their problem, not mine.

As it turns out, my feelings are not easily hurt. When we were kids, we used to rip into my dad about his corny jokes, his dorky music, and his weird habits, but he would always shrug and say, "Nobody's perfect!" or "Who cares?" (We were SUCH assholes. And now I make the same jokes, listen to the same music, have the same habits, and think my dad is the coolest guy on earth.) Now I do the same thing when someone has a problem with me for a stupid reason. Who cares? What's your problem?

And the stupidest reason of all for someone to have a problem with me -- the fact that I'm gay, which is such an insignificant fact all by itself that I feel dumb even writing it out -- somehow remains a topic of national debate. This is not something I think about when I leave the apartment I share with my boyfriend, and participate in the world consisting of my work life, my social life, my family life, and everything in between. But there is an edge of anxiety, even in a major city, because we are raised to expect something bad to happen if people know that you are gay.

Nothing like that has ever happened to me, but it does happen every single day and the consequences include five dead teenagers in the last month. Four men beaten and tortured in the Bronx last week. It is not easy to hurt my feelings but it's impossible not to be devastated by the reality that I live in a society where this is the daily news side by side with Carl Paladino stating that gay citizens are not "equally valid" or John McCain supporting "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" because it's totally cool for soldiers to put their lives on the line to protect American freedom as long as they stay in the fucking closet.

You don't think I should be legally allowed to marry my partner? When we've built a home together and spend holidays with our families and pay our taxes and plan to have children of our own one day? We're a hell of a lot more traditional than millions of households across America, but that's not even the point -- this is not a political issue. These are mean, judgmental opinions that grown adults should know to keep to themselves. The law banning same-sex marriage does not help or protect ANYONE. Some people might sleep better at night because it will help them imagine that they live in a world without homos, but does anyone really think that's going to happen?

Seriously, we're here, we're queer, get used to it. Your opinion on my relationship does not affect its validity. And if you don't agree, guess what? YOUR OPINION IS FUCKING STUPID. You're completely entitled to it, because I can't tell you what to think, but trust and believe, your opinion is so fucking stupid. I'm sure you think my family is terrible, but I know that it is not. Isn't it okay for us to disagree about that without making laws taking away each other's rights?

Message From Mom

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From: Mom
To: Dan and Eric

So listen, thank you Eric! You taught me how to save something on the desktop that I otherwise would have been unable to open and guess what?? I saved all 6 pages and was able to open the whole thing. It really, really looks gorgeous and the stamps are fabulous. Wow, it's really happening! Guess we do have to get passports after all.

Congratulations you 2. You both do great work. Love you both.

And, Just Like That

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THE INVITATIONS ARE DONE.

Single Tear

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Look.

I want to celebrate the miracle of life and the sanctity of marriage. I want to remember the strides we've made -- if not in this country, then at least in other parts of the world -- when it comes to federalized marriage equality. I want to continue to thrill to the fact that our family and friends are going to fly across an ocean to see two boys get married, because that's how fine it is that we're getting married. My my thinks so. My grandmother thinks so. Hell, the PRIEST thinks so.

I want to keep this blog upbeat despite the Rutgers suicide, the Bronx hate crime, the continued dual messes of "Don't Ask Don't Tell" and Prop 8, the fact that Tony Perkins was allowed to write an Op-Ed for the real, actual Washington Post in which he wrote, "Since homosexual conduct is associated with higher rates of sexual promiscuity, sexually transmitted diseases, mental illness, substance abuse, and domestic violence, it qualifies as a behavior that is harmful to the people who engage in it and to society at large."

Lovely.

So what CAN we celebrate from a gender/sexuality/equal rights perspective in this bigoted, broken world of Perkins and Palladino? You already know the answer, so sing it with me if you love Bjork...Iceland! Today, the World Economic Forum's Global Gender Gap Report released its list of greatest gender equality by nation. And guess whop came in at a pretty decent #1?

It's true!

(Since you asked, America is #19. Which is actually UP from last year.)